we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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