You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
