just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
