So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
