why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
