Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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