I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize