Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
