It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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