the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
