Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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