I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
