Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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