Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
