there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
