he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
