If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
