Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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