So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
