how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
