OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
