You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
