Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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