If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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