Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
