I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just googled if crying burns calories
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
