she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
