Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
