So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
