If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize