She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
