ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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