eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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