i permit you to call me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
