he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
