I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she told me i tasted like america
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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