whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
