did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Acid is not a monday night drug
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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