Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
