Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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