dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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