so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
