My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so let's talk penis.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
