question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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