He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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