Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
