we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
