i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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