I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
