the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
