Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
