I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
