I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
