Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
