too bad you live with your parents still
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
