So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
