Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
