I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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