my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
