He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
