dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
