Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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