You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
