And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
