I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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