i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
