So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
