remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize