So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
