It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
