the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
