What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
