They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
