I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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