I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
