yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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