Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
