Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
