that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
