so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
