i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
