I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
