We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
