He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
