shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize