i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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