Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
