Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
