he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
