The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
