Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
