for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
