I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize