ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
