She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
