Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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