Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize