im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
