When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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