shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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