I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
