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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
