i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just forgot I was standing up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
